oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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