I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
