That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
