just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
