I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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