Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
