If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
