Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
