i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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