Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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