38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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