ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
