I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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