you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
