you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
