I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
