Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
