one might say we're banned from that church
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
