genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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