I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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