Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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