I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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