Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
