when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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