Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
