i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
