Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize