I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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