She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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