he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
