am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I look better un-naked...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
