She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
