I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
