I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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