Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
