Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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