Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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