He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
