I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
