I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
