So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
