apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
