I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
