Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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