Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
