i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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