Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
