I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
