More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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