i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
