I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
