I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
