After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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