Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
