were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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