if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
