found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
