But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
