I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
