hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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