We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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