1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Vodka?
Forever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
