Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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