Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
