All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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