Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
