Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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